Pity Party

Going to be honest...this post is a bit of a "pity party on paper" (just need to get my thoughts out) and it is certainly going to be jumbled and long..I've warned you in advance.

I think we have all said the following at some point or another: This is not where I thought I would be in life.

We've said in response to good situations, bad situations, and probably just in response to the mundane-ness  (I think I might have just used a word that's not real...oh well) that life can get into. I, too, have uttered that phrase...a lot lately...boy for 2 different reasons. If you had told me 3 months ago that I would be sitting at home, unable to drive, and recovering from major wrist surgery, I probably would have laughed and then kicked you in the shins for even bringing up the thought. When I had surgery two summers ago, I thought that it would solve all my wrist issues. Well, we now know that just wasn't the case. Dr. A didn't do anything wrong...I haven't done anything wrong (except for falling last October and landing on my wrists)...it's just the way the cookie crumbles...or in my case...just the way my wrist crumbles! I have been very teary the past few days...thanks to hormones (thank you Mother Nature), my anxiety about heading back to work, missing my friends, not being able to drive for at least another 4 weeks, and as a friend pointed out today, trying to work all the narcotic pain medicine out of my system. I get like this sometimes and I honestly can't put my finger on what triggers the tears and the sappiness.

Friday I went for my first post-op visit with Dr. A. I was a little anxious about it because a) I passed out when Dr. A removed my stitches after the 1st surgery and b) my dad was coming with us to have his thumb looked at. I mean, I wasn't so much anxious about my dad being there...just that there was someone else that I felt the need to look after...and if you know me, I have a tendency to try to make things run smoothly for people and make sure everyone (but myself, usually) is happy and comfortable. When I have big appointments like this, Mom and I usually try to go to lunch at someplace we normally don't get to go to...like Flying Biscuit, Highland Bakery, Bakeshop (so sad it closed), etc. Since my dad was coming along we went to The Varsity. It was fun...nothing like a naked dog and some fries. Mom and I both said we still want to do our "girly" adventure at my next appointment with Dr. A in January. The appointment was a little stressful for me...at one point there were 7 people in the room...me, mom, dad, Dr. A, the tech, my OT, and her OT student. It took a minute before we all got situated! JH slowly cut off my splint and dressing my surgery and then Dr. A came in. I laid down to hopefully prevent a repeat of passing out (it worked!) and Dr. A took off the gauze, the steri-strips, and pulled out the running stitch in the incision. The incision is healing, it's just still in progress and was open just a bit. Dr. A decided to put on more steri-strips to help keep it closed as it continues to heal. I can take them off in the next few days when it looks like the incision has closed. He also talked a lot about what he did in surgery and really explained things to me in detail, which I appreciate. I have no idea how my wrist got so messed up, but I'm thankful I have a surgeon who can fix it! My wrist hurt some after everything was taken off because after having so much support around it for the past 11 days, it just hurt from not being supported. I was trying my best to hold it still and in a neutral position...but it's hard! Dr. A then talked to my OT about what the plan was. I headed downstairs with her to the OT department and she got busy making my new splint. I knew I was getting a new splint...but I just wasn't prepared for it. The last time I had a double-hinged elbow splint. They're big, cumbersome, and a pain to make...but it allows the elbow to bend and straighten...but they are a royal pain to sleep in! Dr. A and my OT decided to put me in a sugar-tong splint. It's much smaller than the double-hinged elbow splint...sleeping is much easier in it...but I can't straighten my elbow...and I can't take it off and on my myself. It goes from my hand up to my elbow and wraps around my elbow so i can bend my elbow, just can't straighten it much past 90 degrees. Why is the elbow involved if it's my wrist we're dealing with? Well, because your wrist and forearm motion start at the elbow so they have to block your arm at the elbow to keep your forearm and wrist from moving. It took awhile to make the splint and by the timer we were done, I was hurting. I was trying to get used to the splint, I was in pain, and I was tired. And I cried. As we left. I just couldn't help it. And I really couldn't explain it either. Just the way I deal with things.

New splint....learning to love it!

The rest of Friday was pretty much a bonafide pity party and I was the only one there. I decided to just let myself cry in an effort to get the tears and emotions out...it obviously didn't work...as I'm sitting here with a tear rolling down my cheek. Yesterday was better. Some good friends, including my OT and dear friend JH, were driving out for a Girls' Night In at my house. One girl was bringing her dog, Charlie, so that she and George could play with together...and play they did. George was quite the host...never really barked or cared that Charley was playing with his toys and chewing on his bones. It really was fun. They brought everything to make dinner...home made lasagna...delish! We really had a good time. And JH even took my splint off twice so I could rest my arm and she relined it. They use panty liners to line the splints because they absorb (you'd be surprised at how much your arm/hand sweats), they're disposable, and they're relatively cheap! This is now going to be mom's duty! JH spent the night and this morning she let me take a shower without the splint on...no cast bag on my arm! It felt so good to actually wash my arm. I tried to get some of the junk off near the incision, but it was a lost cause. We then went to breakfast and she took me to run a few errands. When we got home, she got ready to leave...and the tears started again. Like I've said, I'm just teary. I called my mom and could hardly talk from being so choked up.

The other part of the whole "This is not where I thought I would be in life" thing is that I honestly never thought I'd be 34 and single. Yes...I'm going there. Sorry. And it's times like this that just bring it up to the surface and make it worse. Not being able to drive is no fun. at. all. And what makes it worse is there is not a "honey" I can call to say "hey, please stop at the store and bring home bananas and milk." Nope, I have to call good ole' mom and dad. Now, don't get me wrong. I am so thankful to have them close by and so willing to help. But, let's be honest, this whole thing would be easier if there was a Mr. involved. That along with the holiday season has just kind taken me over the edge. I think not working and being on pain meds has totally messed up my calendar...how in the world can Christmas be 2 weeks from Tuesday? I mean, I'm just about ready. I did most of my shopping before I had surgery...my house is decorated...and my Christmas cards have been sent...but, wow...it's sneaking up on us. And what's up with the weather? (Told you the post would be jumbled and random). It's hard to think about Christmas when you walk outside and start sweating from the heat and humidity! Luckily I think we are going to get some relief this week with some cooler temperatures.

So that's where I am...a bit of a teary mess...anxious about going back to school...ready to fast forward through the next 4 weeks without fast forwarding through the holidays or winter break...catch 22, I know. Praying that I wake up with the regular M. Joy back and have closure to this pity party!