...because finishing never equals failure...

 I've been contemplating how to best write this blog post about Sunday's half-marathon for a few days and have finally decided to just sit down and write it. I think I can finally be honest about how it went without getting too upset...but I also thankfully at a place where I am hopeful about what I can learn from it and move on.

So...here goes....this is going to be long, so just bare with me...

I stayed with Jen on Saturday night so I wouldn't have to get up at the crack, crack of dawn to get down to the race. We were meeting some of her friends, Annie and Amy, from Team In Training in Midtown at Annie's place at 5 am...which meant we needed to leave Jen's at 4:30...which meant I had to get up at 3:45 to get ready...so much for not getting up at the crack, crack of dawn! We both got up and got ready...and hoped and prayer we had everything we needed for the race. We got down to Annie's and then we all set off for the North Avenue MARTA station. It was probably a little less than a mile walk. When we got there, the gates were closed but luckily, a MARTA police officer was right behind us to open up the station. We got on the train and headed just 2 stops down to the Peachtree Center station.

We then made our way down to the race area which was at Centennial Olympic Park. I was meeting a friend, Lucy, who I had met doing the October 13.1 so we waited for her. We then checked our gear bags, stood in line for the bathroom, and then found our starting corrals. Lucy and I were in M...which is an improvement from the O I was in last year. Lucy and I talked and got each other excited about pounding out this half-marathon. We had been talking on Facebook and we were ready to push through the miles and get a PR. I was feeling really good about knocking some serious time off. I was hoping for somwehere around the 3:20 mark...3:15 and I would have been beyond excited...3:25 would have been great. Before we knew it, we were walking ahead towards the start line with the masses of people. Our plan was to run when we could (including all the down hills) and take walk breaks when we needed.

We got to the start line, turned on all of our gadets...heart rate monitors, Garmin watches, GPS phone apps...there was a wave of beeping at the start line...and off we went. We were chatting and generally having a good time and honestly, the first couple of miles flew by. We were making great time and feeling pretty good. I guess at about mile 4, I picked up the pace and got ahead. It was starting to get warm so I made sure I stopped at all the water stops. The next few miles really seemed to fly by. My running felt strong and I felt good. The 3:15 pace team for the half came up behind me and I stayed with them for a good bit, but sadly, they left me in the dust.

About the time I got to the Virginia Highlands area, which is the later part of mile 7 and the first part of 8, the heat really set in. There was an angel of a lady who was passing out ice...I sucked on some and also put a couple of pieces up in my hair so they would keep me cooler. I was waiting on a text from Jen for her to tell me she had finished. About the time I hit mile 8, she said she had finished. At that point, I still felt pretty good and just kept rocking along. I wasn't running as much and when I was, it was really s-l-o-w. I tried to be conscious about keeping my walking pace fast..but it was getting hotter and hotter.

When I hit mile 10, I was dying. I was hot, tired, and just gross feeling. I also noticed that they had put yellow flags out on the course. My legs felt pretty good, but my feet were starting to hurt some. I texted Jen and told here where I was and that I was dying out there. She sent me some encouraging texts back including one that said "5K to go!!"....never in a million years would I have ever thought that someone telling me I still had a 5K to go would be music to my ears!! I was beginning to let my mind take over and that is never a good thing. For me (and a lot of runners I know), running is almost more of a mental challenge than it is a physical one. By mile 11, I had been alone (with Lucy not too far behind) for a good 6 miles...and 6 miles is about my limit of miles I can do by myself. By the point, we were in midtown heading back to downtown and the hills are everywhere. I swear, everytime we turned a corner, there were more hills!

As we went through the Tech water stop, which I think is somewhere between mile 11-12, I started to fall apart. They had clocks at each of the mile markers and I knew my time was getting worse and worse with each mile. I was no where near going to finish under 3:30 and was just hoping to finish in 3:39, which is what I did the October half in. I texted Jen again when I was passing mile 12 and she told me that they were waiting for me on the side. After mile 12, they put signs up telling you how much further you had to go...3/4 a mile, 1/2 a mile, and 1/4 a mile. Jen, Annie, and Amy were at the 1/4 sign. They were giving out cold towels at the finish and Jen handed me hers. It felt so good to have something on my face, even for just a minute. I knew I wanted to run the last part across the finish line and it honestly took everything I had to pick my feet up and run the home stretch to the finish line.

Once I finished, they gave us water, a cold, wet towel, and a medal...in that order! I met up with Jen, Annie, and Amy and we just crashed in the grass. People were laying in the grass all over the park! We sat for a minute and then Annie went with me to get my official time (ugh!) and to pick up my shirt and medal from the 26.2 ATL challenge. They were out of the medals and said they would have to mail it to me which was a bit disappointing. I was looking forward to sporting 2 medals around my neck. Annie was then very kind and offered to go grab my food bag for me. We laid around in the grass for a bit more...all complaining about the heat and how it had affected out times.

We hiked back to Marta, walked down way too many stairs at the Marta station, and went back to Annie's. We originally had grand plans to walk go to The Flying Biscuit for breakfast/brunch but instead, we ate at Annie's out in the courtyard of the complex...and drank mimosas! It was nice to just relax and enjoy each other's company...and try to forget about the race.

Jen and I decided to head out so I could take her home and so I could hit the road back to the sticks. Once we were in the car and it was just the 2 of us, the flood gates opened. I was very upset about my time for the half and just plain disappointed. I felt like my time did not at all reflect how much and hard I had trained. I honestly felt like a failure. I was embarrassed and humiliated...and mad that the heat had gotten to me so much. Jen was very encouraging and she said something to me that has stuck with me...she told me to stop defining myself by numbers...be it weight, how far I ran, how fast I ran, how much weight I've lost, clothing size, etc. And it's true...I'm a numbers girl and I let them have WAY too much control over my thoughts and emotions. I dropped her off and then headed home...and I would by lying if I said I was okay. I wasn't. I cried...no, make that, I sobbed all the way home. I just needed to get all my emotions out.

So, looking back, I can say that I am still very disappointed in my time (3:43:47), but I am in much better spaces about it being a failure. It was not a failure and neither am I. I did what I set out to do, which was to finish my 3rd half-marathon. Sure, I didn't get the time I wanted, but that doesn't mean I didn't reach my goal. I know that there will be great runs and that there will be bad runs...I just never thought a bad run would be on a race! I definitely learned a lot about myself, my body, and running through this race. But most importantly, I learned that finishing never equals failure!

I've only run once since Sunday and I rocked a 5K on the treadmill at the gym on Wednesday. I ran a good portion of it...and upped the incline for the last mile...the hills killed me on the half and I know I need to get in some hill work! I'm looking forward to the next few weeks of low mileage...and the 4 5K's I've signed up for. After the half, a 5K will be a piece of cake!!!  Maybe one day...just maybe...I'll be able to call a half a piece of cake...but until then, I'll just keep running and walking and running and walking...

 

A little motivation...

In my humble opinion, running is about 85% mental and 15% physical. It is much more of a mind game than I ever thought. When my head is "in the game," I can run farther and harder than I ever thought I could...but if there is a battle going on between my ears, then my run is going to suffer. I have seen some great quotes about running on Pinterest (don't get me started on that craze...yes, I am on it, but obsessed I am not) and am going to put them here for a little motivation. Sunday's Publix Half-Marathon, #3 for me, is definitely going to be a physical challenge (let's be honest...13.1 miles is a l-o-n-g way to run, walk, waddle, crawl, etc)...but I know if I am mentally prepared to tackle each step and each mile that the physical challenge will be that much easier!

Slow mileage is better than no mileage!

ShamRock 'N Roll 10K Recap

Today I tackled the Junior League of Atlanta's 8th annual ShamRock 'N Roll 10K at Atlantic Station. I signed up for it just a few weeks ago with the thought that it would be a great way to "practice" for the Public Half next weekend and to get one more long run in. The last race I did was the Atlanta 13.1 in October so I thought a 10K would be good thing to do this weekend.

They had a tot trot, a 5K, and a 10K at the race this morning. The 10K didn't start until 9 so I luckily didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn. I got up, got ready, and hit the road to Atlanta about 7:15. Once I got down there, I parked and went to join the crowd waiting for the races to start. It was very c-o-l-d and when the wind blew, it was down right bone chilling cold. They called all the 5K participants to the start line and once they were all lined up, I swear it looked like there were only 12 of us left to do the 10K. Once the 5K started, I went back to the bathroom (for the 2nd time) and then went back to watch for the top 5K finishers to come in. About that time they started calling all the 10K people to the start line and while we waited we were able to see a few more of the 5K finishers come in. 

On the race website, they had said this race would be chip timed so I was looking for the mat to run across that is usually what reads your chip when you run across it. I didn't see one or anything for that matter that looked like it would read the chips on the back of the bibs. They got us all corralled at the start line (and there were more than 12 of us....more like 500) and we were off. There did not look to be an "official" start line...a guy just yelled start and we were off. I started the run keeper app on my phone and on my heart rate monitor when I felt like I crossed where the guy was standing. The 10K course was just 2 laps of the 5K course. I didn't use my interval timer; instead, I gauged when I should run and walk based on my heart rate. The course was actually really good with a few small hills and one bigger hill on Northside Drive. I ran a decent amount of the first 3.1 miles and felt pretty good. When I looked at my phone to see how I was doing, I had an average pace of 14:45 which is really great for me....especially for being on the road and not on the treadmill. 

The 2nd half of the race seemed to go by a little faster although I slowed down a bit. The cold and wind were starting to get to me and my quad muscles were very tight. I walked more and changed my stride a bit, but still managed to get some bouts of running thrown in. I knew I wanted to run the last part and run across the finish line so I had to save a bit of energy for that. I was pretty sure I was one of the last people on the 10K course, but from the website, they made it seem like there would be this grand party/celebration/carnival going on at the finish line. When I finished (with a clock time of 1:38:06, "chip" time...meaning what my phone said...of 1:35:22), everything was pretty much packed up and everyone was leaving. I did run across the finish line and then kept running straight on to the port-a-potties....I had had to go to the bathroom since about mile 1 and there were NO bathrooms along the way. I think I might have been a bit faster if I hadn't had to go to the bathroom so bad most of the race!

Overall, it was a good race...great course...and for a pretty good cause. I do have 3 complaints about the race though (did you really think I wouldn't?)....I feel like I have done enough races to compare them. I guess since most of my races have been the Peachtree Road Race...which sets the bar really high...I have high standards. First, they needed to have bathrooms along the route. Second, the said the race was chip timed, but in actuality, it was just your clock time. They didn't record what time you actually crossed the start line...your time started when they said go and stopped when you ran across the finish line, where they were actually recording your chip #. So, I feel like I was robbed a bit. This is a Peachtree qualifier, meaning you can use your time to get into a faster starting group, and I could definitely use that 2 and a half minute advantage between the clock time and chip time. Oh well...I know what my time was even if the official time is a 2:30 more. And my last complaint is about the finish area...when I finished, there was one, count it...1...person from the Junior League cheering for us. When I finished the first loop of the course (and the fast people were finishing the whole race), there were TONS of Junior League members cheering people on. Also, there was no water, snacks, Gatorade...nothing. Like I said earlier, everything was pretty much packed up. I just wish races would not make those of us penguins in the back of the pack feel like we don't count or matter because we don't finish first, or second. I know I am slow. But I also paid just as much as the fast people paid to run the race and I feel like those of us who will never win a race also deserve to be treated with respect at the end of races. Ok...vent over.

So- it was a great day for running for me...I shaved 5:28 off my previous 10K time and when I finished, I felt really good! Now it's time for last minute mental and physical preparations for the Publix Half next weekend!!

Finished...feeling great...and looking like a hot mess!!

Who is this?

And what is happening to M. Joy??

I didn't leave school until almost 5:00...on a Friday no less....and for those of you who know me, you know that it is extremely rare that I stay that late on a Friday...but it was a busy chaotic  stressful day from hell. I had umpteen things I needed to do and really didn't want to bring them home. I was hoping to be out by 3:45, but that obviously didn't happen. 

So back to the issue at hand...what is happening to me? 

I had packed my running clothes with me and was planning on hitting the gym on the way home. If this had been 1 year ago, or even 6 months ago, that plan would have gone out the window after the day I had. But instead...I changed into my running clothes before I left school and hit the park on the way home. I pounded out 2 laps at Alexander Park which was 2.85 miles (and actually ran a decent amount of it) and promptly came home and took George out for a quick and easy 1.40 mile walk. 

So even after a crazy day which left me in a foul mood (and maybe even with a few tears), it was just second nature to do the miles I had planned on doing.

Here it is folks....I can't believe I'm about to say this....but what's happening to me is...

I'm a runner!!

You read that right...M. Joy is a runner!!

Despite how wild my day was and how much I wanted to just head home and hit the couch, 

I instead put the rubber to the road (or paved trail) and pounded my stress away.

It has taken a l-o-n-g time to wrap my brain around that fact but I'm beginning to believe that it is true.

I am a runner!

For those of you know the story of when my running was questioned because
of my weight, I think you'll find this shirt as perfect and fitting as I do.
I seriously think I might need to add this to my collection!