I've been contemplating how to best write this blog post about Sunday's half-marathon for a few days and have finally decided to just sit down and write it. I think I can finally be honest about how it went without getting too upset...but I also thankfully at a place where I am hopeful about what I can learn from it and move on.
So...here goes....this is going to be long, so just bare with me...
I stayed with Jen on Saturday night so I wouldn't have to get up at the crack, crack of dawn to get down to the race. We were meeting some of her friends, Annie and Amy, from Team In Training in Midtown at Annie's place at 5 am...which meant we needed to leave Jen's at 4:30...which meant I had to get up at 3:45 to get ready...so much for not getting up at the crack, crack of dawn! We both got up and got ready...and hoped and prayer we had everything we needed for the race. We got down to Annie's and then we all set off for the North Avenue MARTA station. It was probably a little less than a mile walk. When we got there, the gates were closed but luckily, a MARTA police officer was right behind us to open up the station. We got on the train and headed just 2 stops down to the Peachtree Center station.
We then made our way down to the race area which was at Centennial Olympic Park. I was meeting a friend, Lucy, who I had met doing the October 13.1 so we waited for her. We then checked our gear bags, stood in line for the bathroom, and then found our starting corrals. Lucy and I were in M...which is an improvement from the O I was in last year. Lucy and I talked and got each other excited about pounding out this half-marathon. We had been talking on Facebook and we were ready to push through the miles and get a PR. I was feeling really good about knocking some serious time off. I was hoping for somwehere around the 3:20 mark...3:15 and I would have been beyond excited...3:25 would have been great. Before we knew it, we were walking ahead towards the start line with the masses of people. Our plan was to run when we could (including all the down hills) and take walk breaks when we needed.
We got to the start line, turned on all of our gadets...heart rate monitors, Garmin watches, GPS phone apps...there was a wave of beeping at the start line...and off we went. We were chatting and generally having a good time and honestly, the first couple of miles flew by. We were making great time and feeling pretty good. I guess at about mile 4, I picked up the pace and got ahead. It was starting to get warm so I made sure I stopped at all the water stops. The next few miles really seemed to fly by. My running felt strong and I felt good. The 3:15 pace team for the half came up behind me and I stayed with them for a good bit, but sadly, they left me in the dust.
About the time I got to the Virginia Highlands area, which is the later part of mile 7 and the first part of 8, the heat really set in. There was an angel of a lady who was passing out ice...I sucked on some and also put a couple of pieces up in my hair so they would keep me cooler. I was waiting on a text from Jen for her to tell me she had finished. About the time I hit mile 8, she said she had finished. At that point, I still felt pretty good and just kept rocking along. I wasn't running as much and when I was, it was really s-l-o-w. I tried to be conscious about keeping my walking pace fast..but it was getting hotter and hotter.
When I hit mile 10, I was dying. I was hot, tired, and just gross feeling. I also noticed that they had put yellow flags out on the course. My legs felt pretty good, but my feet were starting to hurt some. I texted Jen and told here where I was and that I was dying out there. She sent me some encouraging texts back including one that said "5K to go!!"....never in a million years would I have ever thought that someone telling me I still had a 5K to go would be music to my ears!! I was beginning to let my mind take over and that is never a good thing. For me (and a lot of runners I know), running is almost more of a mental challenge than it is a physical one. By mile 11, I had been alone (with Lucy not too far behind) for a good 6 miles...and 6 miles is about my limit of miles I can do by myself. By the point, we were in midtown heading back to downtown and the hills are everywhere. I swear, everytime we turned a corner, there were more hills!
As we went through the Tech water stop, which I think is somewhere between mile 11-12, I started to fall apart. They had clocks at each of the mile markers and I knew my time was getting worse and worse with each mile. I was no where near going to finish under 3:30 and was just hoping to finish in 3:39, which is what I did the October half in. I texted Jen again when I was passing mile 12 and she told me that they were waiting for me on the side. After mile 12, they put signs up telling you how much further you had to go...3/4 a mile, 1/2 a mile, and 1/4 a mile. Jen, Annie, and Amy were at the 1/4 sign. They were giving out cold towels at the finish and Jen handed me hers. It felt so good to have something on my face, even for just a minute. I knew I wanted to run the last part across the finish line and it honestly took everything I had to pick my feet up and run the home stretch to the finish line.
Once I finished, they gave us water, a cold, wet towel, and a medal...in that order! I met up with Jen, Annie, and Amy and we just crashed in the grass. People were laying in the grass all over the park! We sat for a minute and then Annie went with me to get my official time (ugh!) and to pick up my shirt and medal from the 26.2 ATL challenge. They were out of the medals and said they would have to mail it to me which was a bit disappointing. I was looking forward to sporting 2 medals around my neck. Annie was then very kind and offered to go grab my food bag for me. We laid around in the grass for a bit more...all complaining about the heat and how it had affected out times.
We hiked back to Marta, walked down way too many stairs at the Marta station, and went back to Annie's. We originally had grand plans to walk go to The Flying Biscuit for breakfast/brunch but instead, we ate at Annie's out in the courtyard of the complex...and drank mimosas! It was nice to just relax and enjoy each other's company...and try to forget about the race.
Jen and I decided to head out so I could take her home and so I could hit the road back to the sticks. Once we were in the car and it was just the 2 of us, the flood gates opened. I was very upset about my time for the half and just plain disappointed. I felt like my time did not at all reflect how much and hard I had trained. I honestly felt like a failure. I was embarrassed and humiliated...and mad that the heat had gotten to me so much. Jen was very encouraging and she said something to me that has stuck with me...she told me to stop defining myself by numbers...be it weight, how far I ran, how fast I ran, how much weight I've lost, clothing size, etc. And it's true...I'm a numbers girl and I let them have WAY too much control over my thoughts and emotions. I dropped her off and then headed home...and I would by lying if I said I was okay. I wasn't. I cried...no, make that, I sobbed all the way home. I just needed to get all my emotions out.
So, looking back, I can say that I am still very disappointed in my time (3:43:47), but I am in much better spaces about it being a failure. It was not a failure and neither am I. I did what I set out to do, which was to finish my 3rd half-marathon. Sure, I didn't get the time I wanted, but that doesn't mean I didn't reach my goal. I know that there will be great runs and that there will be bad runs...I just never thought a bad run would be on a race! I definitely learned a lot about myself, my body, and running through this race. But most importantly, I learned that finishing never equals failure!
I've only run once since Sunday and I rocked a 5K on the treadmill at the gym on Wednesday. I ran a good portion of it...and upped the incline for the last mile...the hills killed me on the half and I know I need to get in some hill work! I'm looking forward to the next few weeks of low mileage...and the 4 5K's I've signed up for. After the half, a 5K will be a piece of cake!!! Maybe one day...just maybe...I'll be able to call a half a piece of cake...but until then, I'll just keep running and walking and running and walking...
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